Finding the New You after Divorce
The emotional roller coaster that accompanies divorce drains so much energy that a person may struggle to keep up with it. Nonetheless, once the papers are signed, and the divorce is official, it can still trigger all sorts of unsettling, uncomfortable feelings, thoughts and emotions, including grief, loneliness and depression.
A divorce coach will share that many people have struggled with “finding themselves again” after a divorce. It does not matter if you are married for two years or 20 years; the same feeling of loss can exist as you no longer have someone else to talk to in the house, to do housework together or to hang out after the children are asleep.
How can you find the new you after divorce?
Let us share some tips.
1. Rest and Relax to Recover
Rest is essential for recovery. You need energy to grief. You need the energy to get through the day and any well-meaning relative visit that comes unannounced. Therefore, take all the time you can to rest and relax. Take a few days off work, or if possible, a whole two weeks off. Pamper yourself with something that you love to do. It can be a massage, a short solo trip to a country of your choice or even just staying at home to read a book. The crucial thing to do is to keep yourself rested so that you can recover from the divorce.
Reconnect with your “Single Self”
Your “single self” is the person whom you are before marriage. Start by thinking of some things that you like before you got into the relationship with your ex-spouse. Did you give up something that you love? Follow up with what you give up after marriage. Did you stop playing video games after marriage because your ex-wife did not like it? Did you give away your doll collection because your ex-husband did not like dolls? Reconnect with yourself again and do or start something that you used to love but have given up for your ex-spouse.
Re-engage your Friends
Marriage does a lot of things to you, including the reduction of time you get to spend with your friends. Now is the perfect time to reconnect with your old friends and find out how they are. If they are free to meet you, you can invite them for a meal to do some catch-up. While it may be awkward for you to meet mutual friends whom your ex-spouse also knows, it is still worthwhile to remind them that you still value their friendships even after divorce by inviting them out for a meal.
Learn Something New
This is a useful way to spend your time meaningfully and get to know new people. Learn a new skill or find out more about a topic that you are curious about can be a rewarding experience for you.Take a class or even pursue that degree that you’ve always wanted to. Apply for the job you’ve always wanted and enjoy new friendships and routines.
There’s a new world of possibilities in front of you to be discovered Seek your passion and you will find it, because you are looking for it.
Be True to Yourself
It is possible that you are not living according to your values because your ex-spouse had a different set of values and insisted that you live by them while in a marriage. Now, you are free to choose how you want to live your life and what values to honour.
Start by writing a list of what is important to you, rank them and live by those values. At the same time, be truthful to yourself and do what you feel is right. It can be tough to make decisions after a divorce because your self-esteem has taken a hit, but tune into your intuition and do what you think is right and good for you.
